Sunflower needs her sunshine

i need you so bad now

i miss you i miss you i miss you. 

I’m here but you’re there, and there doesn’t know how lucky it is. :( 

I wonder how i’ll cope when you leave next year. I never thought I’d be so weak when it comes to relationships. hmm, i think i’ll probably just numb myself with schoolwork. well, maybe it’ll do my grades good ? :) 

i really really hate hurdles. but there’s nothing i can do about it and you seem to think they’re necessary. Sometimes i worry i may not be good enough for you, in the intellectual sense. What if I can’t grow up quickly enough? I just want to connect with you on every single level possible. 

I can’t seem to get my freaking ass moving. oh man, it’s after promos. give me a break:) I really don’t see the point of a H3, but then again this is Singapore. Competitive and disgusting. It’s like this relentless paper chase. So exhausting, so repetitive, but so inevitable. I guess I’ll take it. go with the flow, go with the flow..

But then again, i feel like sucha bitch, so bratty, so whiny, so complanishhh.  HELLOHELLO.I should learn to be thankful for what i have. 

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”

 Oprah Winfrey quotes (American television personality,Actress and Producer, b.1954)

Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses. 

As such, i have decided to draw up a list of the things that I am thankful for :)

1) the retarded marias. Charmaine, Shinyi, Minjie, Kahghim,Jiayin in particular. people who will always be there for me no matter what. 5 years of awesome friendship and counting. I know that these people will be friends for life. People I will always keep close to my heart :) 

2) Good physical and mental health :) 

3) To be able to buy a certain amount of pretty pretty things that i love. :) 

4) yushu. Your embrace feels like home.being with you just feels so natural. Just sitting beside you, walking beside you, holding your hand. and your family is so awesome to me i wonder why :) 

5) the best dramas and movies to keep me company through lonely nights :)

6) How i can forget about all my troubles when i do tkd( even though i’m still sucha noobcake now) Never ever want to give this up :)

7) The ability to play the piano:) 

8) My tiny personal bubble where i can seek solace. my room :)

9) Friends that i have and can trust for now. Nicholas, Ruimin, Biqi. :)

Note to self: please stop spending money! 

我真的很累. 真的现在好想抽身离开. 说我自私吧,我已在乎不了那么多 了.我投降. 此时此刻, 我还是无法理解你到底在想什么. 事实已摆在眼前, 为何你就不能诚实面对. 做贼的喊捉贼, 太荒谬了吧. 我并不恨你, 只是,要我假装什么事都没发生过是不可能的. 既然彼此不愿意,也无法同意,最好的办法就是放下. 这样下去,对大家也没帮助, 只会连累周围的朋友, 那又何必呢?

做人无疑应该坚守内心的原则，坚守心灵深处的高贵，不能因为屈服于压力或贪图物质利益的享受就轻易的妥协甚至出卖自己的良心。然而，在个人的名利或物质利益受到损害或由于个人利益与他人发生矛盾时，如果能大气大量的退让一步，则不仅不是懦弱，反而是一种大忍之心的体现。所以, 退一步,海阔天空, 不要在追究了, 好吗?

无法诉说的压力何处抱怨呢？

我深信,明天会更好 :) 

I think i need to grow up

I always thought that girls who wanted to marry their first love were stupid. Okay, maybe they are. You said so yourself, how many people will actually marry their first love. I know it’s too early to say anything, and the world probably thinks it’s naive and unrealistic. 

But the thing is, I actually want to. You’re so amazing and you make me feel like kissing you all the time. I love your smile and hug. I love it when you speak or even when you aren’t speaking. I just feel as if I’ve known you for a long time. Everything is just so easy when I’m around you. I feel that for once i didn’t have to be the one making decisions neither do i have to constantly struggle to meet any expectations. i can show you my other side, my vulnerable/immature/whiny/cowardly side. I can just be the little girl I’ve always wanted to be.

 And I don’t know how to tell you why I like you so much, because you wouldn’t understand. It’s still a blur how everything started. The explanation is full of too many inside jokes and made up characters and words. It’s full of too much care, too many laughs and too many retarded moments. It’s full of hugs, kisses and your kind words. I don’t think I will ever be able to give you a better reason except that I just do.

 I’m actually mildly ashamed about this. I’ll try to snap out of this soon. People say each love comes and go, and they simply guide you towards understanding yourself better as well as the qualities you’re looking for. I can’t believe myself, especially when friends around me are falling out of love and so often I’ll hear stories of people who cheat on their partners.

 I know I’m being impractical and crazy. but I really want to. Sigh, it’s probably too early to say anything

6,309.19 kilometres.4 years. Love me, treat me well. I can wait.

Promise me I’ll still have you tomorrow 

“Who wants the perfect guy? Not me. I don’t want anyone perfect. I don’t want anyone normal, that’s just boring. I want someone weird. I want someone unpredictable. I want someone who lets things slide and who loves to laugh and make me laugh. I want someone who will be crazy about me, and isn’t afraid to let every one know it. I want someone who challenges me, in every way. I want someone who puts up with my shit, but isn’t a push over. I want someone who pisses me off, but I can never be mad at. But perfect? That’s one thing I never want, maybe just perfect for me.”

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

screw this. people who don’t express themselves die one piece at a time. 

The truth is, everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.

-Bob Marley

(Source: poeticheartache, via tehbing)

you’ll know a bitch when you see one

can you please stop being so pretentious in front of me? because i really don’t know how to react and obviously there’s no way i’m going to reciprocate you hormonal backstabbing two-faced bitch. Everyday( okay, maybe like every few days) i just find out something bitchy you did behind my back. I don’t expect you to tell me everything, but the least you could do was not lie to me. Try me. i’m really on the verge of snapping and i really want to see how you’ll explain EVERYTHING. The only reason why i’m holding back is because i don’t wish to jeopardize what our clique has. and could you please stop attempting to wreck relationships. i was worried i was just being petty, but i guess. well.. hmm. :)  I really hope that one day everyone will see you, and uncover your dirty little secrets and lies.

Why did you have to compare?  that was really hurtful ): 

p.s. you can save your crocodile tears for yourself. thank you.